Integral couples therapist Tom Habib joined Jeff Salzman again for Valentine’s Day to share his insights into the “couples’ line of development.”

In previous conversations with Jeff as well as in several episodes of The Wisdom Factory Tom laid out the trajectory most couples take — from initial attraction to role-partnering to mutual respect, to “first love”, where intimacy begins to flourish into an exciting new we-space that transcends (and includs) previous stages.

Here Tom talks about a surprising requirement of the “first love” stage which he found out by doing therapy with couples: when each person is free to safely and consciously express their inner child the relationship is reaching “first love”. Everything can be expressed, like hurt, neediness,  joy, even tantrums — as long as they are held within clear agreed on boundaries and attended and witnessed by a caring, nurturing partner in the role of the adult. In this episode with Jeff Salzman, Tom shares insights and methods that show us how to do it in the delicious context of couple love.

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